If you haven’t read my most recent blog, you may not have heard the news . . . on November 16th this year, I committed in a new way to having a loving, supportive, kind and energising relationship with myself.
I got married . . . to Me!
I have had an amazing first 5 days of being married to Me! I’ve been saying lots of really complementary, affirming things to myself. Most of the time, I’ve offered myself the same love, patience and long-fuse I have for others. That said, the other morning I did something, without thinking clearly (probably because I was in the midst of doing 3 other things as well) and my automatic response was to say, inside my mind, “Iesha, you IDIOT!” I caught it straight away and apologised to myself. I said, “I’m SO sorry! You Do Not Deserve to be spoken to that way! I can see everything you’re trying to do. It’s OK to slow down; Be kind to yourself, Sweetheart”.
I haven’t called myself any names since. I’m sure I will again and I hope to catch it, nice and quick, and once again manage it differently.
I remember a time when I used to have all sorts of negative things I called myself: Ugly, stupid, embarrassing, idiot, fuckwit and many, many more. I used to feel ashamed and self conscious so much of the time, constantly reviewing my past behaviour, recent and yonks ago, and assessing myself very negatively for the fool I feared I’d made of myself. All the shouldn’t-have’s and the I-can’t-believe-you-said/did-that’s. They would drown out my current experience.
I’ve spent the last 20 years doing so much work on myself and the result is far more enjoyable than being me of the past. This is why I was really shocked when I realised that there was still a noteable difference between the way I treat my external loved ones and behavior I still engaged in, directed internally at myself. Those nasty names still can creep in, even after all these years of learning the art of being my authentic self and living with personal power and confidence, in most situations.
What are the nasty names you call yourself?
If you filled in the blanks with you most common, negative self talk, what would this sentence look like?
[Insert name]_____________________ you [insert something condescending &
Part of my Soulmate Self internal revolution is to have new names for myself. I’m learning to talk to myself in a whole new way, with loving, encouraging words, similar to what I would offer my clients and students and my loved ones. I am inviting you to do the same. Let’s see what happens!
Each morning I say to my children, “Good morning, gorgeous girl!” or “Good morning, beautiful boy!” so, too, I have begun my morning by saying, “Good morning, amazing woman!”
I’m calling myself lovely names like sweetheart, beautiful and gorgeous. I’m telling myself, “It’s so ACE to see you feeling SO alive! I’m so proud of you for doing all that you’ve done! I love your determination and passion! I love and understand when you’re not feeling that way, too.
In my life right at this moment, there are some things that aren’t progress as fast as I wanted them to in my original imaginings. I am choosing to reframe that as long-term commitment, rather than a short term failure (this is very new for me!!) I am willing to love myself in this new way, with loads of verbal confirmation and internal dialog that’s loving and encouraging. I’m saying to myself, “I see you . . . I know how hard you try . . . let’s take some time to celebrate all that you are”. It is so grounding and relaxing to talk to myself this way and here’s the truly amazing part: I have so much more energy! I’m ticking more things off my to-do list by telling myself I don’t have to do so much.
What new names would you like to have for yourself?
What would make a better-feeling, internal confidence-building sentence?
[Insert name]_____________________ you [insert something kind, understanding &
I invite you to try this. Really, try it. Side effects may include feeling a little bit ridiculous, talking to yourself in this new way. Please remember that no new language is learned in one lesson. Give yourself time to practice. Say kind, loving, compassionate things to yourself as part of your morning routine, when you have lunch and before bed. Just a couple of sentences, three times a day and see what happens. The other side effect may be feeling better about yourself and about your life . . . I think it’s worth some effort to find out.
And, if you believe the saying is true, “you can only love others as much as you love yourself”, imagine what your relationships will be feelings like when you are committing this loving, supportive energy towards Beautiful You!
Please, let me know how you go and what you discover by trying this out. Let’s share this new way of being with each other!
Wishing you a magical, love-filled day,