Some of the most positive people I have ever met are in the worst and least tolerable circumstances.
They almost always have a smile on their face, except in the small moments of silent privacy, when they allow themselves to truly feel all that’s going on.
These cheerfully people “hello” to their friends, co-workers and strangers. They complement others, want to lift them up and support them so they’re the first to put their hand up to help.
Often, they’ve cultivated an amazing mindset of wanting to make the best of things, regardless of the situation. They often have many friends as they’re great to talk to and confide in. They’re always making an effort to see things from the points of view of others and understand their challenges.
Does this sound like you?
Or someone you know?
What I find extremely common with these people is a huge disparity in the love, kindness, care and support they offer others and what they offer themselves. And also, the love and support they encourage others to know they deserve and the standards of behaviour they accept in their own lives. Have you ever noticed this?
They can often be in job roles, workplaces, relationships or marriages that lack mutual support and respect. They are so good at seeing things from another person’s point of view, that often they stay in relationships where the other person is, also, very invested in their own point of view.
Some situations are out of our control, like having a sick child or caring for an ageing parent. That said, the way we allow ourselves to be treated and what we explain away (prioritising someone else’s feelings or perception over our own) are both in our own hands. The standards we set as our basic entitlement to kindness and respect is also self-generated and managed.
When we skip over the painful experiences, when we “get over it” without the healthy digestion of moving through it, we are actually missing the most important step of UNDERSTANDING the dynamics of the whole thing. If you keep on doing that, you’ll keep on having those same experiences and you’ll be doomed to continue this for the rest of forever.
You’ll either keep on blaming the people around you, and leaving relationships, jobs and towns, only to have similar experiences in those new circumstances. The end result of which is that awful pain of loneliness or bitterness that the world is “bad” and people are inherently selfish and awful. This is not true! There are billions of us and a significant percentage are actually kind, loving, supportive and wonderful!
Or, you’ll keep on blaming yourself as somehow faulty, without ever lifting the lid and working through what it is that you can change. The end result of this is often erosive lack of self-worth and esteem, which I’m sure you can already see, leads to more and more of the same experiences. When we don’t see our magnificence and know our value, we keep on accepting the substandard, the unacceptable and the unfair because “that’s just how it is” and “no one is perfect”.
“95% of who you are by the time you’re 35 years old is a set of memorised behaviours, emotional reactions beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes that function just like a computer program” Dr Joe Dispenza.
That, often unconscious, 95% is the reason you’re having so many of these experiences, in different outfits but essentially quite similar, over and over again. Positively focusing on other stuff, is not changing those habitual patterns.
If you don’t know how to ask for what you want, no amount of positive thinking about the gorgeous day and the fresh breeze on your skin, gives you that new, practical skill.
If you don’t feel worthy and deserving of relationships with people that honour and respect you, no amount of loving gratitude for the roof over your head will give you the ability to set healthy boundaries, speak those, and feel great about it.
If you find it hard to know the answer to: “Is it reasonable to be upset about this?”, because you’re so aware of the other person’s experience that it eclipses your own self awareness, positive thinking won’t change that either.
There are two types of happiness. Surface Happiness is the wonderful and enjoyable result of positive thinking and anything else that creates a shift in our chemicals. Your thinking creates chemicals in your body, that allows you to feel how you were just thinking. Positive thinking, gratitude and loving thoughts DO do great things for your body. They just don’t develop the new, practical skills you will need to shift that 95%.
Soul Deep Happiness is the result of living in total alignment with the truth of who you are, underneath all those well-practiced thoughts, behaviours and priorities. When our body, heart, mind and soul are congruent with our actions and priorities, this deeper and more sustainable happiness is the effortless result. Those feelings of anxiety, depression, resentment, hopelessness and dissatisfaction are coming from that deeper part of you. They’re feedback that something needs to change. Don’t silence those messages!
You have a care label, just like your clothes do. Unfortunately, it’s not simply printed somewhere on your skin, which creates the need for self-reflection. Take some time, regularly, to really access your life and how it’s going. Amazing things can happen when we step out of our lives and start asking better questions of ourselves.
What’s really working for you and what isn’t?
What is draining you?
What can you do about that?
What enlivens and inspires you?
Are you making enough time for that?
Are you closer to your goals than the last time you checked in with yourself?
What can you prioritise that will help you to see those incremental steps in the direction of your dreams?
Follow these steps and please, let me know how you go!
If you are wanting some more personalised support, please read on for an offer that may be of interest to you.
I always love watching the profound changes my clients experience from investing in themselves! If you are interested in wholistic support, I have a five month, 1-on-1 individualised and personalised program, which shifts that 95% like never before. If you’re at that “ENOUGH! This is changing!” point in your life, where you’re sick of those patterns that don’t serve you, the relationships that aren’t fair exchange, those nasty and unsupportive thoughts that keep on happening in your own head – I would love to talk with you. This program is a mixture of inner work and the outer tools for implementing profound life transformations.
Book a Discovery Call with me and we will talk though what’s happening, what you wish were happening instead and all the ways I can support you!